“I want to understand what I actually believe about death.”
Most people inherit beliefs about death without ever examining them. The examined position, whatever it is, is more useful than the inherited one. You don't need certainty about what comes after. You need clarity about how the fact of death shapes how you want to live now.
Your Practice
Write for 15 minutes answering: what do you actually believe happens when a person dies? Then write: given that belief, how should I live differently than I do now? This is not a test, there are no correct answers. The point is to have examined beliefs you can actually stand on rather than inherited ones you've never touched.
The Architects
“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.”