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VIR-I-0070

“I admitted my share of why we fell out instead of blaming it all on him.”

VIR · Pillar I — Virtue VIR-I · Tell the Truth. Even When It Costs You.

It would have been simple to keep the story where he was the whole problem. You looked honestly at your own part and named it out loud. Truth that costs you a flattering narrative is the truest kind. You traded being right for being honest, and that's where reconciliation actually begins.

Your Practice

  1. Say specifically what you got wrong, without 'but he' attached.
  2. Resist the urge to itemize his faults in the same breath.
  3. Offer the honest account and let it stand on its own.
  4. Notice that owning your part costs pride and buys back trust.

The Architects

“He often acts unjustly who does not do a certain thing; not only he who does a certain thing.”

— Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book IX (George Long translation)

More under VIR-I

VIR-I-0001“I lied and now it's eating me alive.”VIR-I-0002“I know what I should do, but it's going to cost me.”VIR-I-0003“I told the truth even though it hurt — and I feel free.”VIR-I-0004“I chose honesty over convenience and it paid off.”VIR-I-0005“My integrity just cost me something — and I'd do it again.”VIR-I-0006“I'm tempted to stretch the truth to get what I want.”
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