VIR-I-0044
“I'm terrified that if people knew the real me they'd leave.”
So you give everyone a managed version — competent, fine, easy to be around — and you're lonely inside it, because no one is actually with you. They're with the version. The fear is real: some people might leave the real you. But the ones who stay would finally be staying for someone who exists. You can't be loved in hiding. Truth is the price of being known.
Your Practice
- Pick the safest person you have. You don't need to tell everyone — start with one.
- Show them one true thing you'd normally hide. Watch what actually happens.
- Notice the difference between feared abandonment and real response. They rarely match.
- Let the ones who stay know the real you a little more each time.
The Architects
“Know, first, who you are; and then adorn yourself accordingly.”
— Epictetus, Discourses, Book III